Four years living along the river in a small Florida town was the answer. The river was going to be the very thing that inspired me to write. The river that bought much wildlife and peace, also bought ignorance, disregard and imbalance. I was not inspired. I spent much energy trying to make my husband happy. He was, when he was my husband.
Today, the day after our four year wedding anniversary, Today I am breathing fresh air. The mood is currently stable. Albeit, this morning there was a bit of turmoil. Things get taken out, reorganized and put back. Usually only one or two minor items change spaces, but the constant flow of an idea, processing, cause and effect, continue and the move unnecessary. Continue Unnecessarily. Two very different personalities have very different needs even when they are the same person, wherever you are, at any given moment.
The weather in the Catskill Mountains of New York State is perfect this August afternoon. The air is crisp, the air smells renewed. The landscape and vibes are exactly what I expected. My husband and I left for a mini road trip in July. The mountains have always spoke to me. Water is my element and when both are combined, I feel my soul dancing in the stream as the water rushes over a large boulder it Pliés and twirls atop the surface. My soul joyfully frolics from limb to limb on the tall oaks that border the bank all the way up to the evergreens on top of the highest peak of the mountains until I can float on the clouds. My soul is light and carefree. My silver and purple hair shimmer in the sunlight as it blows in the breeze. I am inspired. I am whole.
This is the first time this year that I am not walking on eggshells, waiting for the change, anticipating the next move and how I will retort. I believe it is as well, the first time this year my husband is not concerned about his Dementia. We are in the moment. That is all we have. Truly, any other philosophy, is such a waste of precious time. “Honey where is the ax?” (One of the items that changed spaces earlier. In an instant, another moment begins.